16/07/24.

It's been awhile. Today, for my first entry, I want to briefly touch on music and memory.

Music is, for many, a comfort. It is for me, too. I cant articulate everything I feel about music. How it has been here since the dawn of time; the lapping of waves against newly formed earth, the note of the first birdsong sung. Throughout history, we as humans have always been drawn to music... but why?

I think, at our core, we all feel a desire to create. To own something. Or perhaps we simply yearn for recognition, like hey, this is my bare heart and soul all on a silver platter, all for you. Do you like it? Is it good enough for you?
Whenever I go through a tough period in my life I withdraw completely into music, video games or my imagination. Most media has some form of relatability to it, something to get lost in; it's basic marketing. This is one of the reasons why there's so many songs and artists I can no longer listen to without a grimace, or immediately spiralling. Songs and artists I associate with bad times or people, songs better left forgotten about -- at least until Spotify decides to jumpscare you with them via shuffle play.

Anyway, I'll discuss my current life and I now.

It's been uneventful for the most part. I don't know if my medication is working anymore, or if this is it, this boring sameness. Most people say antidepressants are numbing, and for awhile it was and I enjoyed it -- pre-medication I was entirely high-strung and unable to relax. Then I was finally prescribed an SSRI, and it was fine for awhile. Had to get my dosage upped twice.
Recently it appears I have been regressing in terms of progress -- my agoraphobia is back with a vengeance. I have no desire to go outside, and no motivation to either. Butterflies flutter in my chest at the mere idea of doing so.
I think I just don't like summer. It's too muggy, I lack appropriate clothing due to years spent inside alone, and summer seems to be the perfect time for my body image issues to arise, and that they have.

I lack motivation to do anything. I'm just so bored.

Well anyway, I'm going to see Longlegs soon -- a new horror film starring Nicholas Cage. The trailers looked good, and from what I have seen the audience reaction has been as well. I've hidden away from spoilers, but from what I can tell it shares a similar storyline to Silence of the Lambs. I guess I'll confirm that once I've watched it.
I'll try and write a review.

I'm also reading, which is great. I'm glad I haven't stopped that. I'm currently reading Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn. The writing style and main character is so captivating, it's the first book in a long time I struggle to "put down" -- figuratively because I read online. Sharp Objects is about a woman journalist returning to her hometown to help solve the murder of two young girls. It delves into difficult familiar relationships, in particular that of a mother and daughter -- my favourite. There's also a television show adaption if reading isn't your thing -- although it should be.

Until next time.